Home from the hospital. Was a rougher recovery than I expect. Got nauseous from the anesthesia and threw up blood for about 4 hours. Finally got moved to my room at around 6 pm and was liven a cocktail of anti-nausea meds and my PCA pump.
Now I’m home, drinking 2 ounces every 15 minutes. Feel as though the worst is behind me and looking forward to starting this new chapter of my life!
Stats: 27 grams of protein, 100% Daily value of Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D3, 7 grams of carbohydrates
+ True minty chocolate taste
+ Smooth, non-gritty
+ Non-chalky
Stats: 34 grams of protein, 100% Daily value of Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D3, 68 grams of carbohydrates
+ Nice, tropical flavor
- Gritty
- Too much sugar (56 grams)
I lay in bed, uncomfortable. Hot. Sticky. I flipped, re-positioning myself, tucking the cool comforter between my thighs. Greg, my fiancé, lay sleeping next to me. His CPAP machine hummed lightly. I tossed back over and grabbed my iPad.
“Structure house” I Google. Too expensive. I know this stuff. I don’t want to go to a residential program in Durham when I live in Durham!
“Duke Diet & Fitness” Eat right. Smart portions. Exercise. Rinse, wash, repeat.
“Rice Diet” That’s so much. Fucking. Rice. For real? That much rice? All the time?
“Weight Watchers” I browse the website, looking at Jessica Simpson’s head shot. She got paid how many millions, and she has had trouble? For real?
The Ambien was starting to kick in at that point. I feel semi-drunk, semi-exhausted… not just from the late night but from rehashing “the issue” over again.
I thought back to 6 year ago; private conversations I had with close friends, family, and my significant other. Mexico… medical tourism…
“Duke Bariatrics”
“Success in Battling Obesity Starts Here” the homepage proclaimed. The familiarity of the Duke symbol was soothing, despite my UNC allegiance. I scanned the page quickly, a half smile creeping across my face…The website pulled up slowly, my wi-fi flickering in and out on the second floor of the house.
“Let’s get started!” the website proclaimed; “Take the first steps for weight loss surgery”
I clicked the link, filled out the form, rolled over, and fell soundly asleep within seconds.
A lot can change in three(ish) years. One month from today, I’ll be in a haze at Duke Hospital, recovering from bariatric surgery.
Excerpts from my letter to my family:
“Hello Mom, Dad, Ben, and Will,
I wanted to give you all more information about my upcoming weight loss surgery. It’s probably more information than you’d ever want to know but here we go…
I should know within a week what my surgery date is. I had my last pre-operation screening appointment today, an upper GI test. I most likely will have the surgery in March. I am having the surgery at Duke Hospital (http://www.dukehealth.org/services/weight_loss_surgery/about) . They have one of the highest rated bariatric centers in the United States; I’m lucky they are so close. In addition to a great team of doctors, psychologist, and dietitians, they also offer twice a month support groups for pre and post- surgery. The surgery cost is covered by my health insurance.
I am leaning towards getting the Gastric sleeve surgery. You watch info about the Gastric Sleeve procedure here: http://youtu.be/IjxFjI69bEI . I am still undecided about whether to get that or the gastric-bypass. My doctor says I am the ideal candidate for either surgery and should get good results regardless. You can read about all the different types of surgery here:http://www.myhealthnewsdaily.com/images/i/832/i02/weight-loss-surgery-11-06-1.jpg?1321892699
Recovery time will take 2-3 weeks so sign up now to come nurse Kelly back to health! You all know what a delight I am normally :-) And how well I tolerate pain!
You might be asking why? Why not just eat better and work out and lose weight naturally?
A couple reasons:
I think having weight loss surgery is the best shot I have at decreasing the risk of diabetes, increasing fertility, losing weight/ keeping it off, and at improving my overall health. I have seriously considered having weight loss surgery for 6 years; I’ve decided now is the ideal time to have surgery. It’s also better to have it while I am still “healthy”, at least as healthy as a morbidly obese person can be (no heart issues, good blood pressure, good cholesterol, no major mobility issues, etc). I have alerted my boss and she is very supportive, also making this a good time to have it done as I’ll need time off of work.
My diet will be radically different after weight loss surgery. I will only be able to consume 600-800 calories a day, have to get lots of protein (any recommendation on shake mixes Ben?), and not be able to drink Diet Coke anymore. Now you know I’m serious, right? I had to think long and hard about giving up my favorite carbonated drink before committing to having surgery.
Anyways, I hope this answers some of your questions. I’ll need all of your support throughout this process as it will be taxing, emotional and physically. Greg can’t bear the burden of it all on his own! Once again, slots are open for the “Kelly’s Nurse” position; task will consist mostly of making sure I drink two tablespoons of liquid every 15 minutes and watching TV with me. You’ll receive free lodging in our guest room, free cable and wi-fi, and my un-dying love.
Love you all and thank you in advance for your support.
Love,
Kelly <– the favorite
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Surgery is scheduled for April 1st (no foolin!) and I’ve decided to get the vertical sleeve surgery. I’m reading as much information as I possibly can about the surgery (diet, physical effects, psychological effects, recovery, etc) and going to support group twice a month. I’m scared/excited/nervous/hopeful/resolute.
So if you are still reading this blog (through RSS or other wonders of the internet), hello again! I’m back! And I’m choosing losing, with the help of bariatric surgery.
Two years ago on this day I was crying, confused, frustrated, and sad after my husband and I separated. I was unhappy in my job and tired of living in Tallahassee.
A year ago on this day I was starting my new job in North Carolina, rediscovering how much I missed sports after finding a fastpitch softball league, and recovering from my first bad date in Raleigh the night before.
Today I went to work at a job I love, that affords me amazing opportunities for professional development and travel, went to the gym after work, then came home to a beautiful house I share with my boyfriend of seven months.
Life changes people. Life can change fast. It’s awesome and scary and leaves me looking around at times and just saying “whoa…”
One thing that hasn’t changed? My weight. Right in the 225ish range. And I’ll admit, I’ve been pretty apathetic about it. Dealing with the divorce and major life changes (moving, new job) took priority, and I fell into my usual habits of eating too much, exercising too little, and tugging at my clothes uncomfortable.
Don’t get me wrong though: overall I’m very, very happy! I’ve made great friends, been on amazing adventures and am really having the time of my life in North Carolina. But now that life is settling into a rhythm I’m ready to try and get healthy again. Being more comfortable in my skin would just make everything else more awesome.
So I’m back people! I’m going to try and blog at least once a week because it helps to center me and keep me focused. Right now my healthy living strategies are:
If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again…
Tomorrow morning I’m going back to Weight Watchers. I’ll be standing in line fidgeting, kicking off my shoes, and trying to discern my weight watcher workers face as she views my number on the screen.
It’s a new start. I’m not going to continue from my old weigh-in book, even though it would show a loss from my all-time high. Yes, I lost 20 lbs after my divorce; that was over 9 months ago. I can’t keep riding on those laurels and expect to magically enjoy shopping again or just suddenly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I have around 80 lbs to lose. That’s not going to happen on it’s on.
So I’ll go and weigh in. Sit and listen. Then go to the gym to try Zumba for the first time. Then go to the grocery store to stock up on healthy food and drinks and make sure I don’t have “I have nothing to eat” as an excuse for going out and hitting a drive thru.
If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. I’m going to try again.
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s been
This past year has gone by in a blur of emotions: anger, annoyance, contempt, anxiety, embarrassment, fear, worry, rage, doubt, envy, frustration, shame, despair, disappointment, sadness, stress, shock, relieved, empathy, hope, pride, satisfaction, content… I could go on and on. It’s been a journey.
But it’s not over yet. Tuesday I’m moving from Florida to North Carolina. A new chapter awaits. Lots will be changing and as I’m designing my life in NC, I’m hoping to integrate healthy habits and changes into it slowly.
First major change: No Cable TV after I move. It’ll be interesting to see how the removal of my biggest drain of time will affect my lifestyle. We’ll see.
I’m sensing good things ahead….
First, thank you to all of you who have reached out in the comments or via email to offer support and encouragement. I really, really appreciate it.
Divorce Stuff
Life is going. Time is passing. It’s almost been a month since we have separated. I feel like I’m living dichotomously. I am fine. I’m a mess. Sometimes thoughts of the impending divorce escape me and I forget for hours. Then the reality hits and I feel like I’m in emotional free fall. I’m scared of my new, unplanned future. I’m excited about the possibilities of the future. I have moments of sincere tenderness towards others. I have moments where I want to punch random people in the face.
And life goes on. Work. Walk the dogs. Putter around the house. Hang out with friends. Exercise. Eat. Read. Sleep. Repeat.
My initial weight loss after the separation has stalled (goodbye 14 lbs). I didn’t work out much in the two weeks after the separation. I was in shock and aimed to distract myself with others. I was good at distracting myself; I was with friends or traveling for work for two straight weeks after the separation. Finally I realized I needed some time to myself, some time to sit and think, some time to process.
And I’ll be honest: that time, it sucks. But I feel like I have to go through it, I need to let myself feel what I’m going through now so it doesn’t somehow creep into my life in 10 years when there is no context for it.
So that’s where I’m at. In the messy middle. I’m not falling apart at the seams, I’m not in some deep depression where I can’t get out of bed, and I’m not face first in a carton of Ben & Jerry’s. I know I’ll be fine. I’m just not ok right now. And I’ve just got to get through it.
Exercise
This week I started my formal training for the Women’s Running Magazine Women’s Half Marathon. I’m using the EZ Half Marathon Training Schedule. Tonight I registered for the half marathon because, make no bones about it, I want that damn medal. Look how pretty it is! LOOK!
The length of a Half Marathon didn’t really hit me until this weekend. On Sunday I went on a long bike ride with two of my friends on St. Mark’s Trail. We rode 14 miles, just .9 miles more than I’ve signed up to walk. It. Was. Long. I enjoyed it, it was a beautiful ride, but it gave me a very real understanding of just how long 13.1 miles is. It is daunting. It will be a challenge. I am up for it.
My husband and I separated two weeks ago. We began divorce proceedings this week.That’s all I got.
